The Atrocity
Growing up was a bit strange for me looking back on it now. I was a kid who grew up in small town southeast Texas. My high school class (had I graduated with them if I wasn’t homeschooled through a fundamentalist institution) had less than 100 people in it. And I grew up in church. I was in church every time the doors were open, especially since my dad was on staff for 14 years at two different churches that we attended. But I always remember that there was something strange. My dad was divorced. My step-mom was divorced. And divorce was an atrocity.
I think that my dad was able to get away with it because he was the unpaid youth pastor who did a good job with the students. However, every time nominations would come around for new deacons, he and others would be passed over because they were divorced. Yet, those that would get nominated and confirmed weren’t judged based upon whether or not their marriage was healthy. They could have a terrible marriage, or just simply have terrible character and be an asshole, but as long as they weren’t divorced they were somehow kosher.
It always seemed strange to me in a world that has roughly 50% of first marriages end in divorce, 75% of second marriages end in divorce, and 80% of third marriages end in divorce, we would feel so comfortable disqualifying someone for something that was so common. But, I would always get pointed to one or two bible verses that don’t paint divorce in high regard.
But, it wasn’t until I got older and began to study more of the bible that I realized there were major problems with their interpretations around divorce. For instance, during Moses and the Torah the problem didn’t seem to be whether or not someone was getting divorced, the provisions were that they give the women a certificate of divorce so that she wasn’t left as an outcast in society that would have left her as a prostitute or some other terrible position. And I never once heard anyone in those fundamentalist congregations teach about the mass divorce commanded by Ezra and Nehemiah of any foreign wives. If divorce is so heinous, why in the world would spiritual leaders command it in mass just simply because they were married to a foreign woman.
Yet still, even in Jesus’ own words in Matthew 5 during the sermon on the mount the teachings on divorce don’t seem to be 100% clear. For instance, in Matthew 5 Jesus teaches that anyone who lusts (ἐπιθυμῆσαι) after a woman has committed adultery (μοιχεύσεις) with her in his heart. And in the very next section of his sermon Jesus says, “It was also said, ‘Whoever, divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ (referring to the law of Moses that I referenced earlier) But I say to you that anyone who divorces his wife, except on the grounds of unchastity (πορνειας), causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery (μοιχᾶται).”
It doesn’t take a Greek scholar (which I am not) to realize that these passages go hand in hand. The “smoking gun” here is πορνεια. In the most basic of ways a good translation that we like to joke about for πορνεια is “sex things that are bad.” And according to Jesus’ own teachings right above lust is a big enough deal to gouge your eye out so that you don’t do that. Combine this with the fact that Jesus only began a conversation about lust within a conversation about adultery, it seems clear to me that these passages go together; or at least adjacently connected.
It doesn’t seem farfetched that at least for Jesus, lust fits into the category of πορνεια. If that is the case, then show me a person who hasn’t lusted; I’m not sure that person exists. My point is that apparently we have all committed πορνεια by lusting which gives everyone grounds, according to Jesus’ own words, for divorce. Hell, Jeremiah himself records God giving Israel a certificate of divorce for their own lusting after foreign gods (and calls them adulterers) (Jeremiah 3:8).
This has always been a bit of a problem for me because I watched my dad, a man who I consider to be far more Christ like than many of the others that I saw in leadership, be passed over time and time again because he was divorced. It was almost as if his identity was found in the fact that he was divorced, rather than as a devoted follower of Christ with gifts and talents to offer. But now, I sit here today having committed the same atrocity as a divorced man. However, mine is a bit different. My ex-wife cheated and left me for someone else. So even in the conservative fundamentalist circles that I am talking about, they don’t fault me (which is also strange and feels like a double standard).
But, if divorce is such an atrocity, why does God do it Israel? If divorce is such an atrocity, why is there inconsistent messaging throughout the bible? If divorce is such an atrocity, why is it that Jesus’ own teachings actually make divorce available to any and everyone by saying that its πορνεια (sex things that are bad) that offer grounds for divorce rather than μοιχαται (adultery). Oh wait, it’s the same thing because lusting is in the category of adultery.
Now, I understand that Jesus’ own teaching is a call to a more holy standard than what was laid out previously. But, the truth persists that if someone lusts after a woman they have committed adultery, and adultery definitely fits within the category of πορνεια which gives someone grounds for divorce.
Maybe this atrocity wasn’t so atrocious; perhaps it was just a bunch of men of power drawing lines in the sand for things that they knew would never happen to them. Instead of actually seeking the text looking for faithful answers to questions that are rooted in the trauma of their congregants, they chose power. They chose exclusion. The bible is messy on most conversations and divorce is no different. But if there is one thing that I am positive of, the last thing anyone needs is for their identity to be associated with their trauma.
Now, I am no expert, just a small town pastor who enjoys to write, but I’m pretty sure Jesus endured trauma in order to take our trauma; not identify us by it. Identifying someone by their trauma seems like the real atrocity.